One

I have to admit I am way overburdened, so much so that there was more then a few warning signals even with what was going on in the house before the death of my mentor and other deaths. Death is never going to be easy, but I was at best tolerating stuff.

Second

Heavy clearing work as much as I did, generates resentment which also has to be cleared. I am doing alot more of the housework now, and using that as a meditation, see 4th way stuff.

Third

Things are not bothering me nearly as much which is huge progress, but I there are still attempts to violate boundaries. Just a lot less and more manageable. This tells me that like going down to point 4, I still have some issues on this point to correct.

Four

Conceptualizing the overwhelming external anxiety as an external entity and throwing down as if it was a real spiritual attack did work, but clearly I haven’t won yet. Its probably not possible to win actually. Probably at best you can do is one step in front of the other.

Five

I let alot of things slide to do the cleansing work and have been in this under-seige mindset. I went from grieving to intense cleaning. Given point 4, not sure I can really work on more aspirational goals but I can take one day at a time.

Six

I probably have to admit, I don’t really like teaching computer science or more correctly, I dont want to spend all my time preparing and the curriculum is WAY WAY limited. I am going to try to apply for side hustles at real colleges thinking that might be the ticket actually instead of the boot camp model, which I don’t really like and does not really give me much flexibility at all.

Seven

A big part of the pain point I was meditating on was the social bullshit I had to deal with. I have been working on my MBA so I let a lot of things go in the public author thing. People I thought I was cool with, well I got thrown away as garbage. Actually it kinda hurt my feelings. I will be correcting this with both magic and content production, and I will be following my more “Chicago” Rules, as I mean No Quarter will be given and back to pretty aggressive magic for the witch craft of the mouth. Literally, looking back at the reading for a year, I totally thought this SHOULD be the course of action. Magical Brass Knuckles and doing shit. I miss doing public rituals in that I love the real artistry of it, but I don’t miss conventions too much. I do like smaller conventions, but I am just not a big partier or ass kisser, yep no. The performance and the magick.. that that I love much. Now I just wish I could get a few hundred dollars for costuming and props for each ritual so I could make them SUPER awesome pretty.

Current projects and Aspirations

Back to real body alchemy work, despite the time fuckery I put myself into.
- Well, I got my Gym membership back.
- Gonna try to get up at but fuck early, and go work out in the morning, we will see about that.
- Got an armband thing for my phone, so I could do tai chi, serious walking, indoor biking.
- Going to seriously be anal about my fitness pal and journaling this.
I am not sleeping like I should.
- It does not fell like this is anxiety, just like frustration that I couldn’t actually get a real vacation cause of the amount of cleansing work I did.
- I really do not like mornings naturally at all, but I could do some solar sun rise shit that maybe will make it more interesting.
I am going to reclaim a working office/working space, but I would love to recreate what I call my dark temple don’t know how to do that one with the space, but I have some ideas. I have the space have to con people into helping me move… I predict that will happen in may… yep that busy.